Bridging the Divide: Finding Connection in a World of Differences
Lately, I’ve been feeling stuck—caught between wanting to connect with others and struggling to bridge the gaps that divide us, all while trying to stay true to myself and not compromise my values. My word of the year is supposed to be uplift, but I’m realizing how hard it is to uplift people I don’t agree with. This tension has made me step back and ask: How do we bridge our differences while staying authentic to who we are? In my search for answers, I’ve scoured countless sources—books, articles, conversations—looking for practical ways to bridge divides and foster real connections. Through this journey, I’ve discovered key principles that can help us build bridges without losing ourselves in the process.
Understand. Don’t persuade.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.-Steven Covey
In his book, “The Power of Bridging”, John Powell takes a different approach to closing divides. Rather than trying to persuade someone to come to your side, he suggests “bridging.” Bridging is connecting with another person through curiosity about their position. It’s being completely present and connecting to someone at a deeper level. He references the South African word, “sawubona”, which means “I see you.” Be curious. Ask questions and suspend judgment. When faced with an opposing viewpoint, our knee-jerk reaction is to judge. It’s at that precise moment, that we need to take an intentional pause and ask ourselves, “What experiences might have shaped their views?”
We also need to break from our binary thinking of things that something is either “good” or “bad” and understand that life, and people, are much more complex. By embracing this mindset of curiosity and empathy, we can appreciate the multifaceted nature of experiences, opening the door to richer understanding and more authentic connections.
Recognize our common humanity.
My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.-Desmond Tutu
Every person wants the same basic things: Safety, security, and connection. While our struggles look different, every one of us grapples with challenges, doubts, and moments of vulnerability. Recognizing our common humanity means understanding that behind every face, no matter how different from our own, lies the same set of hopes and fears. The challenge arises when we disagree on how to address our common struggles. It’s important that, in those moments of disagreement, we recognize that our strategies for coping are deeply personal. They reflect our backgrounds, values, and individual journeys. This diversity in approach enriches our collective resilience. There are countless ways to overcome adversity and the answer for me may not be the answer for you.
See the person. Not the label.
Once you label me, you negate me. -Kierkegaard
One of the most dangerous things we can do is to “other” and dehumanize people. When we come in contact with someone who is not like ourselves, there is a danger that we will “break” with someone. This is a term John Powell refers to when we turn someone into a two dimensional “caricature” because we see them as different than us. He uses the example of a homeless person. When we see a homeless person, we often do not ask questions about them. We don’t wonder, “What kind of foods do they like?” or “Do they have a favorite dog breed?” When we “break” with someone we break with their humanity. They become Republican, Democrat, Christian, or Muslim. Instead of recognizing the full complexity of every individual, we reduce them to simplistic stereotypes that reinforce an “us versus them” mentality. This mentality has the power to divide us into rigid, oppositional groups. It breeds mistrust and resentment, making it harder for people to see shared experiences and common ground. When we view others solely as the “other,” it not only diminishes empathy but also paves the way for discrimination and conflict. We can be easily manipulated through fear and think “The world is scary and it’s somebody’s fault.” Instead, John Powell suggests this way of thinking:
“Yes, the world is messy..I don’t know what the future will bring, but it’s brought us together, and if we can connect with each other, if we can see each other, if we can be grounded in the Earth, then we’re probably going to be okay.”
-The Strong Stumbler
