Wakeup Call

I have lived for 1 year, 3 months and 3 days mourning a friendship that never existed.  I started this blog as a catharsis-trying to get past a very difficult moment in my life.  I thought the story about that period of my life had ended, but I was wrong.  One of the people who abandoned me has now betrayed me as well. To forward herself, she almost destroyed several personal and professional relationships that have spanned almost 2 decades. 

be·tray·al
noun
the action of betraying one’s country, a group, or a person; treachery.
synonyms:
disloyalty, treachery, perfidy, perfidiousness, bad faith, faithlessness, falseness;  duplicity, deception, double-dealing;  breach of faith, breach of trust, stab in the back, Judas kiss; double-cross, sellout;  rarefalse-heartedness,  “a cowardly act of betrayal” revelation, disclosure, divulging, giving away, leaking, leak, telling; “the betrayal of a secret”

Being betrayed has left me with an overwhelming feeling of loss-similar to a death. Clearly, this friendship was something that never existed—it was an illusion of friendship. But I am the Strong Stumbler, and the Strong Stumbler embraces adversity! And my “word” this year is “gratitude.” So how does one take this situation and, not only embrace it, but be grateful for it? First, by changing the mindset.  This did not happen to me. It happened for me.  I am not going to be a victim.

When faced with someone who has betrayed you, there are two choices: You can become like them and move to your basest level, looking for revenge.  You can hate.  You can judge. The problem with that is it doesn’t help you or the other person. The other option is to use it as an opportunity to become a better version of yourself. Be grateful for people who have hurt us because they help us to grow as much, if not more, than a friend does. 

You may ask yourself, “Why does this person want to destroy me?”  First, the betrayer is not trying to destroy you.  They don’t care about you that much.  It’s a harsh, but true, reality. They have established reasons in their own mind to justify their actions.  It’s almost always due to their greed or to further their own situation.  When someone is driven by ambition, they will betray the trust placed on them because the need for success is overpowering. It is greater than any sense of loyalty.

In my research on this subject, I found a great article here.  The following quote from the article is quite impactful: “Whether it’s a spouse having an affair, a friend spilling your secrets, or a confidante at work sabotaging you or ruining your reputation, betrayal is one of the worst things you can do to someone. It’s so bad Dante put it as the lowest level of hell in his “Inferno.”’  Wow. Really?  How can betrayal be worse than rape or murder? The article opines that perhaps it is because betrayal is the deliberate turning away from God’s greatest gift to us, which is love. Therefore, once we go through the stages of grief we will feel-denial, anger, sadness and acceptance, there is one last step we can take that will truly heal us-to love that person.

I am grateful for kind people. I am grateful for wicked people. I am grateful for times of adversity. I am grateful for times of positivity. These people and experiences are transforming me into a higher level of myself and into something greater.

-The Strong Stumbler