Just Say “No”
“Say no to good things so you can say yes to great things.”-Jon Gordon
Have you ever struggled with overeating or overspending? Most of us have. We are flooded with ads for the next great “diet” or credit card offers to consolidate our debt. We may lose a few pounds or get some money saved up, but then the pounds creep back on and the credit cards we paid off with that home equity line somehow get a balance again. Why is that? In his 1946 psychological memoir “Man’s Search for Meaning”, holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote that people are primarily driven by a “striving to find meaning in one’s life.” That sense of meaning enables us to endure even the most adverse conditions. Without a sense of meaning, people fill that void with hedonistic pleasures, materialism, food, obsessions, boredom. Rather than filling our time with meaningful activities, we distract ourselves with shallow ones, such as eating and online shopping.
We need to be able to discern between shallow and deep activities and make sure that we give most of our focus and time toward the latter. So, what are “shallow” activities? They are the things we do that distract us from deeper introspections. Perhaps we overeat. Or spend hours on the internet perusing social media. We may spend time online shopping for “things” we don’t need. There is a link between overeating and overspending. It gives us a distraction from our lives. So, we need to ask ourselves, “What am I distracting myself from? What am I trying to avoid? What truth do I not want to face?” Often, we want to skip over painful or lonely times rather than being in that time and observing it.
“Being busy is most often used as a guise for avoiding the few critically important but uncomfortable actions.” -Tim Ferriss
When we continue to focus on the shallow, rather than our self-improvement, it is easy to lose precious time for what really matters. One day, we will look back at a lot of “empty yesterdays”, wonder where all of the time went and why we are not feeling fulfilled.
In his book “Good to Great” Jim Collins asserts that “If you have more than three priorities you have none.” First, we must identify our three priorities and then build our lives around them. How do you determine your priorities? Go back to your “why” (see my prior blog on that subject). Decide what your values are based on your “why” and post them somewhere conspicuous as a reminder as you make choices throughout the day as to how to spend your time. Your values are the priorities that tell you how to spend your time. Your values are the foundation of who you are. This requires day-by-day, moment-by-moment decision-making. It’s about being consciously aware of how we are spending our time and whether we are in the middle of a shallow activity or working on deeper aspects of our lives-our “why.”
Every time you say “yes” to something, ask yourself what are you saying “no” to in order to fulfill that responsibility. While uncomfortable at first, saying “no” to activities that do not align with your priorities will get easier with time as you reap the benefits of the “no” by having time for activities that really matter. As you see the successful completion of goals as a result of saying “no”, it will make the next “no” even easier. You cannot do everything for everyone. Focus on a few meaningful things and be great at those.
-The Strong Stumbler
