Just Say “No”-Part Two
“Friends ask you questions; enemies question you.” – Criss Jami
The subject of my last post was about how we spend our time. Now I want to tackle something just as, if not more, important for our mental health-with whom we spend our time. How much is spent with people who don’t share our values? How often do we find ourselves chasing after “friends” that don’t reciprocate? Why do we continue to spend our valuable time with those who make us feel “less than?”
Have you ever heard that you are the five people you surround yourself with? When we spend time with people we naturally become influenced by them. So, if you choose to spend your time with people who inspire you to be a better person, you know what? They will push you to reach your goals. Conversely, if you choose to spend your time with toxic or negative people, chances are you are not going to have a very positive outlook on life. Negativity is infectious and insidious.
“Fire false friends as early as possible. Do it before they dig out the dream seeds you’ve planted. The earlier, the better; the quicker, the safer.” – Israelmore Ayivor
If we try to be a friend to everyone, we will not have the resources to be a true friend to anyone. Our time is precious. We have only a few people who truly care deeply about us. This isn’t because there is something “wrong” or “unlovable” about us. It’s because each of us has a limited amount of time. It is these people we should keep close and with whom to focus our time. They add beauty to our lives. They protect us and love us unconditionally. When we don’t feel protected or feel that there are circumstances where the other person will no longer love us, then we spend our time trying to please rather than moving outside of our comfort zones to explore what is possible without limits or fear of failure. “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” – Arnold H. Glasow
Lastly, there are always those people we chase after, even though they make us feel crummy about ourselves. We don’t lose friends. We simply learn who the real ones are. Some people aren’t loyal to you. They are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty. If people are cruel or don’t value you, it’s often because they are: 1. Threatened by you, 2. Jealous of you or 3. Feeling like you’re above them so they put you down to feel better about themselves. Take it as a compliment, move on, and cherish the people in your life who cherish you.
-The Strong Stumbler
