Ringing in the New Year and Bringing Back a Word: GRATITUDE

Each year, I pick a word for the year to represent what I am challenging myself to focus on. Usually, I spend lots of time contemplating it. It’s got to be good if it’s going to be part of my life for a year! This year, however, it was a “no brainer” when I chose to go back to my 2019 word-GRATITUDE.

2020 left most of us in a gratitude “glut.” We were surrounded by negative politics, racial inequity, and sickness. This naturally shifted most of our focus on the “gaps” rather than the “gains” in our lives. (For more on “gaps”, “gains” and gratitude, see my post from 3/30/20-Interrupt Anxiety with Gratitude” here.) This is unfortunate because the times when it feels hardest to practice gratitude is the time we most need it. This is because gratitude is incompatible with negative emotions such as envy, sadness, and regret. You cannot feel sadness and gratitude at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings.

Let’s make 2021 the “anti-2020.” It is our time to change our focus from the “gaps” and become obsessed with the “gains.” How can we do this? By identifying and documenting something good every day. Not just something good, but the best thing that happened that day. Here’s how:

Throughout the day, write down when something good happens-whether it is your dog snuggling into your lap, the smell of freshly brewed coffee, or your husband picking up the laundry. Where were you when it happened? What were you doing? This will help anchor the memory. Then, at the end of the day, go through the list of “good things” and choose the best one. This will make us relive those positive moments.

Robert Emmons, Ph.D., is a leading expert on the science of gratitude. Cool job right? He defines gratitude as an awareness and appreciation for the goodness in our lives. It’s an affirmation of goodness. “We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts, and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.”

We will learn more about ourselves too-what brings us joy. Perhaps this will bring some surprises. As Dr. Emmons’ notes, “Mother Theresa talked about how grateful she was to the people she was helping, the sick and dying in the slums of Calcutta because they enabled her to grow and deepen her spirituality. That’s a very different way of thinking about gratitude—gratitude for what we can give as opposed to what we receive.”

Dr. Emmons’ Greater Good Magazine offers quizzes, podcasts, and the latest articles on the science of gratitude. You can subscribe, here.